I am learning a lesson right now. God is using my kids to teach me. It's not fun. It gives me panic attacks during the night. I have to take medication to sleep. I know I am not the first parent to learn this lesson. So, this is me reaching out to my friends in the blogging universe.
Please help me understand how to put distance between my own heart and my adult sons' choices.
This is the second time in two weeks, I have faced a situation where I have had to watch one kid or the other struggle his way through the serious consequences of his own choice. I want with all my heart to step in and make it stop. I want to take the stress away. I see myself as a doer. A problem solver. I want to fix these things. And I cannot.
It makes sense that being an adult comes with both freedom and responsibility and responsibility brings accountability. A young man cannot enjoy freedom without responsibility and accountability. I get that.
It seems that a parent walks on a thin line. I want my kids to have consequences that are appropriate given their diagnosis and capabilities. When I advocate for that, I am subject to criticism. "Let him grow up." "Stop babying him." And the problem comes in when these same critical professionals will need me and my husband in order to carry out their consequence. And then they want us to run right over and support THEM. And if all the professionals are busy supporting each other, then who is supporting the kid? Or, am I wrong to care about that?
My goal for today is to stay calm and remain objective. Calm and objective. Calm and objective. Perhaps repeating it enough can make it so.
I would really appreciate your thoughts. I could use a new perspective.
3 comments:
Truth is, I like to look to you for a new perspective for myself. I think staying calm and remaining as objective as possible is a great goal. Go with your instincts. Listen to the criticism, decide if it is valid and disregard whatever is useless. You are keeping the focus where it should be, on your boys. You are the person who will ultimately have to live with the decisions of the "team" so shove your instincts down their throats if need be. It's not your job to make the rest of them feel better. You do what you need to do!
Hello Queen Drama Mama-I went through this last summer. It wasn't pretty. I had a lot of trouble with my depression. It got to a point where I couldn't do one more thing for Megan. She was evicted from LP, she left the women's shelter (with services) after 1 day, she refused services, ignored advice and wouldn't sign releases for me to talk with anyone. I had to let her go. She hasn't had an easy time of it. Getting herself into some pretty dangerous situations and not learning from them. She is 18 and he is 56. I'm sick over it. I have two younger kids at home that I cannot let her influence. I've had to put distance between them and they don't understand. I don't know how she will make it since she depends on others to do it. I don't know your situation this time so it's hard to know what to say. It's been the hardest thing I've done in parenting...letting her go and then not bailing her out. I hope you can find an answer that you can follow through with and find peace about it. Mental illness sucks.
Linda B.
do what you feel is right , if we are not there for our kids nobody else really cares about them like we do . it is hard to do tough love . just do what you have to do to live with yourself and know that you did the best you can .pray about it
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