part 29 The Good Fight part II

This is a real story. The whole blog is real. It all happened and it needs to be told. And in time, it will all be told. For now, I struggle with finding the right balance of telling enough so you understand what happened and protecting all the players.

I wrote yesterday a little bit about community resources. If Younger Kid is going to be a successful adult, he will need the investment of many people beyond me and my husband. He has a whole treatment team. Bear and Rachel and other staff at Eagle View, a psychiatrist, a social worker and her supervisor, a Guardian ad Litem appointed by the Court, his case manager at school, a day treatment therapist, and two very committed parents. When Younger Kid is at home, the players change to include Dr. Grey and/or Dr. Steele and a team of personal care assistants (PCA's). Each of the people on the team are dedicated professionals who bring their own histories, passions, and values to the table. Sometimes we do not all agree. Sometimes we fight.

Oh yeah, there have been major fights. Those fights represent some of the most difficult and stressful events in my adult life. I am grateful for the experiences. Yes, grateful. I am grateful for what I learned and how I grew, I am grateful that I am not in the midst of one of these experiences right now. And I am thankful that I do understand that these fights are good fights. I believe the people on the treatment team are all good people. I respect them. Even if we do not always agree. They work in an imperfect system for the best interests of kids. It is how we define "best interests" that causes us occassional drama.

And that brings us to January, 2008. I remember very clearly. There was a series of five meetings in January, February, and March that were so intense I thought I would not survive. It started with a phone conference where the social worker's supervisor announced that it was time to start transitioning Younger Kid back home.

Younger Kid was not ready. Our family was not ready. We had been so traumatized by the events that lead up to Younger Kid's placement in treatment. The behaviors, the abuse, the fear and adrenaline, the lack of support, the loss of friends and the changes to our extended families, concern about Older Kid and Younger Kid living together again, how to keep everyone physically safe, emotionally healthy, and out of trouble. There were no answers. There was no magic formula. I would have done anything. Anything at all to ensure Younger Kid's success at home. No one could offer any guarantees.

Rachel and Bear wrote reports detailing their professional opinions that moving Younger Kid back home was not in his best interests. The social workers had a report that documented the idea that residential treatment is harmful to a child's attachment and development and should only be used for crisis stabilization. Kids can be served better in their own community. Each side believed passionately in their view. In the end, the side with the most power followed through with their intention to discharge.

As parents, my husband and I could have appealed. Looking back on it, I am sure we would have won the appeal. But, we opted not to do it. I didn't feel right about appealing. I knew I would be working with the social workers for years to come and I did not want to appeal. I wanted them to follow Rachel and Bear's suggesions because it was the right thing to do. When it became clear that was not going to happen, I began working with Rachel and Bear to do as much as we could to make Younger Kid's transition a successful one.

I have changed, learned more, and grown as an advocate since then. I would do things differently today. At the time, I did the best I could do with the knowlege I had. Next time, I will tell you about Younger Kid's transition back home.